


You, Again

by fourthinobesity



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 12:59:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8490748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourthinobesity/pseuds/fourthinobesity
Summary: Leslie and Ben were the best of friends until he moved away and they fell out of touch. Imagine their surprise when they lock eyes across the room at college orientation.





	

**Author's Note:**

> thank you thank you BenjisCoolTimes, Supervanillabear31 and Nutriyum_Addict for beta-ing and reading.

“Ok, Hi! Hi! Sit down, everyone! Please, settle in! Welcome to the fourth floor of Schur Hall here at Indiana University! Whooooooo!!! I think that I met most of you during move-in, but just in case we haven’t had the pleasure, let me introduce myself! I’m Abby, and I am one of the resident advisors for this floor!”

Some of the crowd cheers, but Ben Wyatt rolls his eyes and tunes Abby’s speech out. He would so rather be unpacking, or going for a walk or even hanging himself sounds pretty good at this point.

Looking around at the people he is going to be living with for the next year, Ben can’t help but wonder if he’ll even like any of them. His roommate is already a huge pain in the ass. His name is Chris, and he is so chipper and cheerful that RA Abby seems like a complete downer. Ben isn’t sure he’s ever seen someone smile as much as Chris has so far today. He seems nice, but Ben can already tell it is going to get old very quickly.

In fact, Chris is smiling right now, as he nudges Ben and hands him a stack of stapled papers. Ben looks down, noting that the booklets are labeled _Schur Hall Dorm Rules_. He takes one and holds the stack out to pass the rest along, then lifts his eyes to people watch some more. Which is when he sees her. He also drops the stack of papers and cries out, “Crap!” complete with a voice crack like he’s only now entering puberty. Which is, of course, the exact moment that Leslie Knope looks up and sees him, too.

Leslie Knope can hardly contain her excitement. She’s here. She’s actually here at college! This is her dorm! She is now Leslie Barbara Knope: resident of Schur Hall room 405 at Indiana University. The people she’s sitting with at this introductory floor meeting are her new friends and neighbors and classmates. Already, Leslie loves her roommate, Ann Perkins. They were matched up earlier this year, Leslie wrote Ann straight away and through the mail (and some phone calls) they’ve already become fast friends! Ann is so nice and kind and beautiful. She is going to be the best nurse in the world someday!

Leslie’s trying to focus on the super important information their RA, a girl named Abby, is telling them, but she’s practically jumping in her seat, wanting to get to the part where she starts meeting everyone. Just as Abby starts talking about the dorm rules, someone very loudly yelps, “Crap!” and drops a big stack of papers. Leslie looks to see who it is and feels her mouth fall wide open. Benji Wyatt is less than fifteen feet away and staring right at her.

**\--Four Years-ish Earlier--**

“I can’t believe you won’t be here for high school!” Leslie flops onto her back, “Benjiiiii, we had plans!” She shoves him; pokes her finger into his side as if getting mad at him will change the fact that his stupid parents were taking him back to stupid Minnesota.

“I’m sorry, Leslie. I- I don’t want to leave! You know I don’t want to go. I want to stay here with you… guys!” Benji glances at Leslie to see if she caught what he’d almost said, but it seems to pass her notice, and he lets out a small sigh of relief.

This isn’t what he had planned, either. Good lord, this isn’t what Benji wants at all. Benji wants to stay in Indiana, to stay in Pawnee. He wants to attend Pawnee Central High with his friends- especially with his best friend, Leslie. If he’s being totally honest what he wants is to go to high school with his friends and his _girlfriend_ , Leslie, but there’s was no point in telling her how he feels now, not when he would be gone in less than a month. Not even if he’s pretty sure she feels the same way. Well, like 60% sure.

They had been friends since second grade when Benji arrived in Pawnee and moved in just down the block from Leslie. He had been really shy, and Leslie was the exact opposite and almost immediately he was swept along with her enthusiasm and joy. Benji has always thought she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen, and also the smartest and most fun person on earth. Benji has always struggled to understand what Leslie is getting out of being friends with him, but he decided, long ago, to not question it too much because he couldn’t risk her going away. And now he was the one who was going away. It is so unfair.

Leslie is, simply put, devastated. She hates Mr. and Mrs. Wyatt so much! Don’t they know that Benji belongs in Pawnee with her… and everyone else? She is so heartbroken that she has cried herself to sleep every night since she found out that the Wyatts are moving away. Benji is her very best friend. Benji is her very best _everything_. He’s the only person who makes her feel like she can do anything she wants and be whatever she hopes to be. They’d been like… peas and carrots ever since they met! Benji is… Benji is everything, and she was going to tell him, but now he’s leaving and there isn’t any point. Her heart is going to be broken either way, so why make things worse? Benji never had to know that she wants to kiss him and go out with him and marry him and have ten thousand babies.

“Maybe you can come back and visit? I could come visit you! And, we’ll be driving soon, we could do road trips!” Leslie tries to sound enthusiastic, but she knows that her mom would never let her drive all the way to Minnesota. She is also pretty sure that Steven Wyatt would break into song and dance at a Minnesota Twins game before he’ll let Benji drive to Indiana to see his childhood friend.

“Yeah. Maybe.” Benji smiles sadly. He can barely stand his own sorrow, but seeing Leslie this broken was excruciating. Leslie was tough; Benji was the one who cried easily. The only time he had ever seen her _this_ sad was when her dad died. It just didn’t make sense to him that his leaving made her the same kind of sad. So Benji decides that as long as he is still here, they are going to do everything they can to have fun. No sadness allowed!

“Hey, Les? Let’s go get some waffles. Like Mr. Swanson says, ‘There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food’” He even imitates Mr. Swanson’s deep and serious voice. Leslie giggles, just a little, and Benji feels like he just won the Little League championship with a fast throw to first.

“Yeah. Waffles sound good. Let’s go to JJ’s”. Leslie stands up and reaches her hand down to help Benji up. He doesn’t let go once he’s standing and neither does she.

**\--Today, again--**

It isn’t that Leslie hasn’t thought about Benji Wyatt a thousand times in the last four years. He definitely occupied an entire section of her brain. At first, they wrote letters and talked on the phone once in awhile, but then they both got busy and the weekly letters became Christmas cards, and by junior year, they’d stopped writing completely. Even still, Leslie carried a torch for him from the day he left until midway through senior year.

She had even seriously considered calling him and inviting him to her prom, but she knew he’d never be able to come, especially after she’d found out that he was running for Mayor of his town. That had happened totally by accident; it was in the papers and she followed every interesting political story almost fanatically. She’d written him immediately, full of excitement and questions, but he never wrote back, and though she tried to reason that he was really busy with school and the election, it hurt.

When he won the election, she wrote him about fifteen more letters but never sent any of them. She had even fantasized about arriving in Partridge for his inauguration and knocking his socks off with her poise and beauty. It was never more than wishful thinking. Then, articles appeared following his win that talked about his life as a teen Mayor. And, they profiled his girlfriend. There was even a photo of them in People Magazine. The girl, Cindy, was the exact opposite of Leslie. She was tall and had dark hair and eyes and she was just so pretty.

Despite not even being friends with Benji anymore, despite accepting that he wasn’t sitting around fondly pining for her, it was that photo and article that made Leslie see the light. And, that was the end of that, she forced herself to let him go for good. She stopped following the news from Partridge. She went to prom with Harvey, and she had fun with her friends. She was even co-vice president of Student Council last year. She’d be the Governor of Indiana in due time. Her life was awesome, and it was only getting started.

It’s just there was always this little part of her that wondered what it would have been like if Benji was around, wondered what he would think of her. Leslie had just never imagined she would see him anytime in her near future and especially not because they were going to be living on the same floor, in the same dorm, at the same college. It was too great to dream up, even for Leslie.

She supposed she’d been as in love with him as a fourteen-year-old is capable of being in love. But it was in the past, now. It was totally in the past, that is, until about forty minutes ago when they locked eyes across this increasingly long dorm meeting.

It feels like the rest of the meeting is seven hours long. Ben can barely take his eyes off of Leslie, but she is still looking at him, too, and he is taking that as a positive sign.  Ben has to talk to her, touch her arm, hug her, just do something to make sure that she’s real. He was so sure nothing good would ever happen to him that he automatically started trying to convince himself that she isn’t really there.

He knew he was the reason they’d lost touch, and, every time he thought about trying again, he’d just invent some new reason why she didn’t want to hear from him. Then she’d written one last time, after all, the newspaper articles about Benji Wyatt, teen mayoral candidate. She was so excited for him; it made him even more excited. He’d even started to write back. And, then, when it seemed like he would win, Cindy Eckert suddenly wanted to be his girlfriend, and he got caught up in that and everything else. By the time things settled down, he was already being impeached.

Leslie hadn’t written him about that; he figured even she couldn’t find a positive spin on the situation. He figured she was just as angry at him as everyone else, really, maybe angrier. So, he needed proof, because it would be just like his deranged mind to conjure up Leslie Knope, of all people, to torture him or something. But, he’s pretty sure she is real because there she is, smiling at him and bouncing her knee up and down so fast the motion is just pure blurriness. Her blue eyes are shining at him, and how are they even bluer than he remembered? Every so often she offers up a wave to him, and he, shyly, waves back at her.

At long last, Abby says it is time to start meeting each other. She tells them to mingle for a half an hour and then they’ll all be going to the dining hall for dinner together. As they stand up, Leslie quickly whispers the short version of the story to Ann, who is nearly as excited as Leslie is. Ann squeezes Leslie’s arm and says she’s going to introduce herself to the hot guy that’s sitting next to Ben and to find her if Leslie needs her. And then he’s there, right in front of her face.

“I. I mean, I… You… You’re really here?” his voice is barely above a whisper.

“What are you doing here? Why didn’t you… Benji?!” She throws her arms around him and he stumbles backward a step before wrapping his arms around Leslie and squeezing her tightly. He can’t get over how tiny she is, that he’s practically a whole head taller than her now. They stand, wrapped up together, and he thinks about how he’s grown to hate his childhood nickname; hearing Leslie call him Benji, though, that makes it sound brand new.

“You’re really here!” He kept whispering to her “You’re really here!”

“You… You’re the one who is here! How? Why? Benji!” The second he touches her, Leslie knows that she is still absolutely crazy about Benji Wyatt. Like, the idea that she had ever been over him is so laughable now! And, as much as she wants to immediately explore that, the important thing is that he’s here with her; they’re together, again.

He’s grown so tall; she thinks she could practically tuck her head completely under his very square chin. His dark hair is still stuck up all over the place, almost like he’d given up trying to tame it. She feels the muscles in his arms and back and is suddenly very self-conscious about how she must look to him. She knows she isn’t super ugly or anything, but she’s still pretty short, and her hair was still growing out from that awful Angela Lansbury cut. She’s dressed for moving in, not reuniting with the only boy she ever loved (even if he was unaware of said love at the time). Still, she’s pretty sure that Benji seeing her grimy was better than Benji not being here at all.

Ben can feel the tears in his eyes and he hopes no one notices before he manages to blink them away. He’s imagined seeing Leslie again millions of times. He even had a plan to go to Pawnee and see if he can find her, now that he’s back in Indiana. He’s imagined showing up at her front door and apologizing and/or professing his devotion; well, more likely it would mean going to JJ’s to find out if JJ knew where he could find Leslie, and then showing up and doing all that stuff.

All through high school, even after they stopped writing, she was always in his thoughts and settled in a small Leslie Knope shaped spot in his heart. He dreamed of just being with her; he’d definitely always intended on taking her to his prom. But, he still couldn’t explain with certainty why he’d let their letters lapse. He was trying to move on, and fit in, sure, and the whole thing felt so pointless. Being in love with a childhood friend who probably never thought of him in that way ever in life. Still, she never deserved the total radio silence he gave her.

He made new friends and caught up with old ones. He played baseball and slowly worked his way up the social ladder. Before long, it seemed like too much time had passed to find a suave way to apologize to her for vanishing. Then, when he decided to run for mayor, it was like becoming a celebrity. He was kind of cool before, but now his popularity skyrocketed. He took Cindy to his inaugural party. She’d barely given him the time of day before he decided to run for mayor, then suddenly, there she was- all over him.

They went out for a whole four months, and then, when everything blew up in his face and the City Council voted to impeach him? Cindy dumped him. She wouldn’t even take his calls. No one would take his calls. His parents grounded him, and they hadn’t agreed on anything in three years. Everyone acted like he’d bankrupted the town on purpose; eventually, he was pretty convinced that he had.

He had only applied to Indiana as a safety school. He never had any intention of going to college this year, let alone actually going to college in Indiana, but suddenly it seemed like the perfect solution. So he got the hell out of Partridge and the hell out of Minnesota, in general. No one knew about his failures here. No one knew that he was the Ice Clown, either. And then, like a reward for surviving the worst six months of his life, the universe literally dropped Leslie Knope directly in front of him.

He thought he’d given up on the ideas of fate and hope and fantasy. Now, Ben’s pretty sure he is a true believer; he can almost ignore the little voice whispering that Leslie is actually the only person in Indiana who knows about the boy mayor stuff-  that she knows about Ice Town. Almost. He isn’t going to bring it up straight away. It feels too soon to see her disappointment in him clouding her eyes.

“Well, let me look at you!” She disentangles herself from Benji and steps back, grabbing his hands before he can get too far away.

“You look amazing, Leslie. I just can’t believe you’re here!”

“Benji, you’re hot!” She feels her face flush at her blurted out compliment. “I’m sorry. I talk when I’m nervous and I guess I’m nervous. Maybe you remember that? Why aren’t you in Minnesota?”

“I’m hot?” She giggles at his bewildered face and he moves on to her next question. “Uh, yeah, it was time to leave Minnesota. I always figured I’d end up in Indiana again someday, so why not now?”

“Oh, but that’s not what-” But she sees the look of panic flash up on his face and realizes whatever the heck sent him fleeing was a bit much to discuss just yet. “Well, what are the chances of this? We’re here together again! Same school, and gosh same floor of the same dorm? I mean, what are the chances? What room are you in? I’m in 405, and that beautiful girl that was next to me is my roommate, Ann! She seems really awesome! What is your roommate like? I’m just so excited!” Leslie stops and smiles at him, and he can’t help but grin right back at her. “But, now you’re here, Benji.”

He sees her eyes begin to fill with tears, and he feels an awful lot at once. He has no idea what to do, though fortunately his body didn’t get the memo, and he simply wraps her up in his arms again and holds tight. He inhales deeply; her hair smells like baked apples, just like it did when they were kids.

“I’m here, Les. I just can’t believe that you’re here, too.” He squeezes her tighter, and he can feel her tears soaking through his shirt. She can probably feel his, too, falling into her hair. Ben didn’t feel embarrassed; for the first time in forever, he just feels happy. He feels like he can breathe. Someone shouts out they should get a room, and Leslie begins to giggle, which makes Ben laugh, too.

Before he knows it, it’s time to do the stupid group dinner, and Leslie is tugging him towards Ann to introduce them.

“Benji Wyatt, this is the beautiful Ann Perkins, my roommate! Benji, Ann is going to be the very best nurse in the world! Ann Perkins, this is Benji Wyatt. We grew up together, but he moved away just before high school and I haven’t seen him since!” Ben winces at being introduced as Benji, but he’s also so grateful she didn’t mention that he had been mayor of his hometown, he’d been a touch worried she would lead with it.

“Hi Ann, I’m Ben. It’s really nice to meet you. I think you were talking to my roommate, Chris? So, where are you from?” He reaches out to shake Ann’s hand and everything. Ben didn’t know much about girls but even he understands that it is very smart if your girlfriend’s friends like you. Not that Leslie is his girlfriend, of course, even though he’s already sure he wants her to be.

He tries to seem charming and just hopes he doesn’t come across as weird or creepy. He sees Ann glance at Leslie before she answers him.

“Hi, Ben. It’s nice to meet you. I’m from Michigan and yes, I met Chris. He’s very… excitable. Where are you from?”

“Yeah, he’s very… cheerful, so far, anyway. I’m from Minnesota, but like Leslie said, we grew up together in Pawnee. My family moved back to Minnesota before high school, though.”

“Must have been quite a surprise to run into Leslie, huh?” Ann looks friendly, but Ben can tell he is being evaluated. But, he just has this feeling that that Ann and Leslie really _get_ each other, that Ann already understands what Leslie is about. He knows a lot of people didn’t really _get_ Leslie right away, at least not back when he knew her, and if this Ann has picked up on all of that in just a few hours? That’s just amazing. That makes him happy. Leslie deserves the best in everything, especially friends.

“Uh, yeah. Huge, but really awesome surprise!” He smiles at Leslie, and wishes he had the balls to sling his arm around her. “Leslie is the coolest person I’ve ever known. I really, uh, missed her.” He feels his face redden.

“Leslie is definitely the coolest, I agree with you there!” Ben’s confused- he was thinking that Ann met Leslie a few hours ago, but it sounds like she knows Leslie pretty well, already.

“Uh, sorry, did I miss- do you guys know each other from somewhere?” He looks at Leslie, feeling like he missed a step.

“I forgot to tell you, Benji! When we got our roommate assignments, I wrote to Ann right away and then she wrote me back and we’ve been getting to know each other for months! We’ve even talked on the phone!” Leslie’s face was alive with enthusiasm and joy. “Ann is the greatest, and I think we’re going to have such a super awesome year!”

Ann beams and nods.

“Wow, that’s… great!” He can’t get over how little Leslie seems to have changed. Of course, she’s already gotten to know her roommate and of course Ann was already smitten with Leslie. It’s like she _is_ sunshine, or something maybe less cheesy than that, but just as good. She just has a way of brightening everything. “I never thought about writing to Chris, but he seems ok and everything so. Uh, yeah.” He smiles, hoping it looks sincere.

“Ben Wyatt! Ann Perkins!” The handsome and excitable Chris Traeger joins the three of them. “And this must be Leslie Knope! Ann Perkins told me all about you!” Ben can’t help but roll his eyes when Chris aims trigger fingers at everyone as he says their name. Of course, Leslie catches Ben’s eye and winks at him. Despite the short time they’ve spent together, Ben definitely told her about Chris.

Leslie thinks Chris is everything Ben described, and more. The finger guns gesture is especially hilarious, but Chris performs the action so earnestly, it’s kinda endearing. Ann’s clearly buying what Chris is selling, and Leslie can see why; he’s quite handsome. He’s got an athletic build and chiseled classic good looks.

It’s just… he has nothing on Benji. In the, what, hour or so they’d been reacquainted, Leslie already knows that Benji’s chocolate brown eyes are the most beautiful and expressive she’s ever seen. His eyebrows literally speak with every movement of his face. She also has this inexplicable desire to run her hand through his hair; it looks so thick and, well, wild. She knows she has some impulse control issues and is fairly proud of her level of restraint. And, even though she knows he’s already so annoyed with everything about his new roommate, she watches him engage in conversation with Ann and Chris and is charmed by his effort.

“Ok, gang! Time to move ‘em on out! Our nearest dining hall is in the next building over, Peretti. Elevators down, out the main doors and then straight ahead across the courtyard. Let’s regroup at doors and we’ll go over the use of your dining plans and general dining hall rules! See you over there!”

“Well! Shall we then, Ann Perkins? Leslie Knope? Ben Wyatt?

“Just Ben is fine, Chris.” She can tell Ben’s trying to sound patient.

“Let’s go have our first college meal!” Leslie leads the way, Ben next to her and Ann and Chris behind them. They make small talk on the way to the dining hall and compare their goofy ID card photos.

Leslie tries to pay attention to what Ann and Chris are talking about, but the only thing she really notices is that Benji’s hand brushes against hers a few times during the walk. She feels kind of silly, focusing so much on a boy when this is her whole big life starting. Her mom would probably be disappointed in her. But, this is Benji. She tries to remember he prefers Ben, now, but in her heart, he’s always just been Benji. Her Benji. And, he feels fairly certain she could have an active make-out life with him and still rock her classes and activities.

During dinner, they meet a few new people. A girl named Donna seems pretty cool and her roommate, April, seems, well, kind of terrifying, really. This kid, Tom, is really funny and his roommate, Andy, comes across like a human golden retriever. It’s probably too soon to declare this, but Leslie feels like she had already found her pack. It’s a pretty good feeling.

At some point, Abby announces the evening activity is watching the movie, _Singles_. Everyone decides to at least check it out before finding something else to do, and soon enough they are all getting comfy on the couches in the common room. Obviously, she sits next to Benji, but, you know, still keeping it cool and casual (she hopes).

Just before the movie gets going, though, Benji turns to her and ask if she wants to go for a walk and talk a little, and that sounds way better than re-watching a movie with a room full of near strangers. They stand and make their apologies to the group. Ann and Chris exchange a look and say they are going to find the nearest place to get coffee. Leslie is pretty sure they are heading to the nearest private space for some kissing. She’s kind of jealous, without crazy feelings you can just act. But Leslie, she has the feelings for Benji- and she has them bad.

She knows she and Ann are going to be having one hell of a gossip session when they go to bed tonight, either way.

They head out of their building and make a random decision to turn right. Leslie’s been on a few tours of the school, and she’d studied maps of the campus- but without the map in hand actually matching places with names was a bit wonky. So they just walk. At first, neither of them say anything. Leslie keeps stealing glances at him; once or twice it looks like he might have just been looking at her, too. She smiles. She’s been smiling all day.

“Benji?”

“Leslie?”

“I get the feeling you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m going to ask anyway. Why are you here? Why are you here instead of in Partridge?”

“Yeah. I figured that would be just about the first thing you asked me.” He smiles at her weakly. “I left because I’m no longer the mayor. I, uh, got impeached. They kicked me out.”

Leslie feels her heart break. How awful! She can’t imagine what he could have possibly done to deserve that!

“Oh, Benji.” She throws her arms around him, clearly catching him by surprise. “I’m so sorry. What happened? Are you ok?”

He doesn’t speak for a moment, then points off into the distance at a bench. They walk over and sit down. Ben keeps his feet on the ground and stares down at them, Leslie sits cross-legged on the bench, facing him. After a couple minutes of silence, Ben sighs and then speaks.

“I tried to do a stupid project, build a winter sports complex, Ice Town. And it got out of control pretty much as soon as it started and destroyed the town. There’s no money, Partridge is broke- beyond broke. I completely bankrupted the place. They impeached me and then pretty much ran me out with pitchforks, you know?” He won’t meet her gaze, but she grabs his hand and holds tight.

“Uh, my parents grounded me, which was really special. The last thing they’d agreed on was moving back to Minnesota.” He gives a sad chuckle. “Stephanie tells me every day that I ruined her life, and I pretty much did. Henry just loves having something else to use to mock me, but he’s not around much, anyway. As for the town- there’s no money; it’s just endless debt. No jobs, no services. I screwed it up so badly, Leslie. I just wanted to do… I didn’t want it to be this. I didn’t want to be the Ice Clown. That was the newspaper headline. _Ice Town Costs Ice Clown His Town Crown_. They’re really into rhymes.

“I wanted… I don’t know. I sit sometimes and try to remember why I thought running for mayor was a good idea in the first place. I don’t know who that guy was. He isn’t me. Anyway, I’d been accepted to Indiana, even though I was planning to defer college in general, and they were willing to give me the spot back. Everyone at home agreed it was best to get me far, far away and nowhere in Minnesota felt far enough.

“Even before I saw you, today was basically the best day of my life. I’m somewhere where no one knows that I even was mayor of my hometown, let alone that I let a fucking ice skating rink break everything. Here, I get to just be Ben.” He finally makes eye contact, and she feels him squeeze her hand. For once, Leslie realizes she’s completely speechless. Poor Benji! His stupid town! He’s only one person; all those other people, the grownups, and experts, they let him do everything he set out to do. No one counseled him, clearly, and then they let him take the fall! How dare they?

“Benji- Ben.” She thinks there is fear in his eyes, which makes no sense to her at all. “I…” He drops her hand and looks away.

“It’s ok. Like I said, everyone kind of hates me now.” He looks so sad, so defeated. He thinks _she_ hates him.

“How can you think that I hate you? I don’t hate you, Benji. How could you ever think something like that?”

“I was pretty shitty to you, Les. I basically abandoned you. You reached out, and I didn’t even bother responding. I… It’s not a hard leap, you know?”

“Listen, something bad happened. To Partridge, yes, but also to you. Bad things happen when you try, yeah, and also bad things happen for no reason at all. I know you know that. So you fucked up? You _tried_ , Benji. You tried _something_ which is so much more than almost anybody else ever does. I’m proud of you. I mean it! I think you are… brave! I think you’re great, Benji. I… I’ll always be your friend.” She tries to say more with her eyes, tries to convey that at the very least, he has a true friend in her. That she believes in him with her whole heart.

Now it’s Ben who finds himself speechless. He was sure, so sure, that telling Leslie the truth would send her running from him. His own brother and sister couldn’t even stand him, how could this person who he all but abandoned even… He really can’t get over how she thinks he is brave. He hasn’t felt like anything but a massive loser in so long; he hadn’t felt like anything for at least five months, until today.

“That is pretty much the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, Leslie.” He’s careful to speak in as even a tone as he can manage because he feels like he’s going to cry. Or kiss her. Or run in circles to work off the nervous energy that’s coursing through him, while laughing, and then kiss her. He wishes her words were enough to erase all of the doubt, and pain, and misery that Ice Town caused, but it’s at least a good start. And, not for the first time in his short life he thinks, thank god for Leslie Knope.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” He braces himself.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, I know we lost touch and whatever, but you knew where I was and that I care… At least, I hoped you knew I cared.”

“Uh, honestly?” He runs his hands through his hair and looks back at Leslie.

“No, please lie to me.”

“Ha, right. I felt like a jerk for not writing back, again, before the election and then I just figured if you knew about me running, you probably knew about what happened after and I guess… Well, it isn’t a… I just assumed you’d given up on me too, and, honestly, that I deserved it.”

“Benji.” He grimaced, secretly liking that she insists on calling him Benji. “That’s stupid. Like, really super stupid. We promised that we’d be friends for life. I kept my promise. So there was distance and time, and whatever, but you’re my friend and I will always lo-, er, uh, like you. Always.”

“Can I ask _you_ a question?”

“Of course. Duh.”

“You didn’t know?” He knows that isn’t really a question but he hoped it still said what he meant, which was that she knew about everything up until it all went bad. He just assumed she followed the story to the end, but she really didn’t know.

“That isn’t a question, Benji.” He shrugs, and she continues. ‘Um, well. Honestly? I… Ok, this is going to be…” He sees that she can’t figure out how to answer him, that she looks lost and definitely a bit confused. What on earth is she trying to tell him? “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too!” He exclaims, but then she starts speaking again.

“I… Really missed you. Um, I kind of, well. I liked you, and not just, like, friend-like but also like-like with feelings and uh, and you meant so much to me. And when you left it was, well. You know that part. It sucked. You were my best friend and starting over in high school was. I mean, I have other friends, obviously, but none that made me feel the way you did, or even, I guess… that got me like you did.”

Ben has, literally, never seen Leslie actually struggle for words the entire time he’s known her.; it’s really strange to experience it. She looks so uncomfortable, maybe apprehensive? And, wait, did Leslie just tell him that she was feeling the same way he was the whole time? He doesn’t have time to wonder because Leslie was talking again.

“So. I guess. I missed my friend and I felt, well, feelings and stuff. Anyway, I just kind of always hoped that one day you would really like-like me too. And you didn’t, which was, is fine. Totally fine. Fine. So, whatever, life went on, right? We lost touch. Then, you were running for mayor and I found out from a newspaper article and not from you. That made very sad, actually, but I wrote to you because, well, again, friends forever plus crush on you and I cared about your life, gosh and running for mayor! That’s a big deal! And, so, but you didn’t get back to me. At all.

“And then there were the magazine profiles after you were elected, and you were so cool. You looked so handsome, and you were freaking mayor, and your girlfriend was so so pretty. I kind of realized it was time to finally let it all go. We weren’t going to… and you didn’t seem to want to be friends and so I just stopped paying attention. I stopped looking. I pretty much figured you’d kickstarted your political career and it wasn’t like I’d ever see you again. I never read another article about you- I kind of avoided them, too. I just lived my life.”

She turns away from him as she talks, and now she sits with her feet on the ground, arms crossed over her chest. Ben is stunned.

Her words echo around his head. If he understands her correctly, she was in… She had liked him just as much as he had liked her all those years ago and then he, well, he totally broke her heart without even realizing it, without _even trying_. God, he really is a stupid idiot who screws everything up. He’s so full of all of these feelings for her and she just told him that less than a year ago she’d felt the same, basically.

Partridge is right; Benji Wyatt really is an Ice Clown. He thinks of all the things he can say. That he’d felt the same way all these years, that he feels like such a jerk for ignoring her. That he had all these dumb plans to find her as soon as he got to Indiana. That he wants to… Well, he thinks about what to say and the only thing that comes out is this:

“Oh.”

So, he’s pretty proud of himself for that one. He tries again.

“Leslie, I-”

“Would you look at the time, Benji?” Leslie glances down at her wrist, to find she isn’t actually wearing her watch, “We should, um, head back!” She talks over him. She feels raw and exposed and it’s the complete opposite of how she’d been feeling all day. She hadn’t meant to say any of that, really. She wanted to keep having a crush and hoping to kiss him, but that, ‘Oh’, it just spoke volumes, didn’t it?

She fears she’s always going to be really stupid when it comes to this particular guy. So, she stands up, gesturing to him to follow her. She hopes Ann is done making out with Chris’s face. She needs her new friend for some feelings soothing girl time. She needs to start and then actually finish putting all of this behind her. She needs.... A black hole would be nice right about now.

“Leslie, stop. Please.”

“It’s ok, Benji- Ben. You do prefer Ben, now, right?” She knows she sounds cold, but it’s just self-preservation kicking in.

“I don’t really care. Will you just please sit back down and listen to me for five minutes?” His voice starts getting louder.

She wants to say no. She wants to say that he was right; she does hate him, and then go pretend they’d never seen each other. Instead, she sits back down, stares at her feet, and feels stupid.

“I’m going to talk now, and you are going to listen. Please” She shrugs at him.

“Do you remember Harvest Festival in sixth grade? We spent the whole last day running around and having fun and then that night, we were on the Ferris wheel. Best seat for the fireworks, remember?” She nods, slowly, knowing exactly where he’s going- except, it turns out, his memory of that night is a little different from hers.

“Well, we got stuck up there for over an hour. I was scared, and you held my hand and talked softly to me about anything you could think of, really. But, Leslie, I wasn’t scared of the heights, or of being stuck. I… I wasn’t really scared, I was just afraid of… I wanted to kiss you. All day I tried to work up the nerve. And I didn’t know how, well, and I didn’t know how to kiss or if you’d even want to kiss me back. You thought I was scared of being stuck up there, but, but I was really just scared of how much I liked you and I didn’t, uh, I didn’t think you liked me back.” She turns to look at him as he talks about that night and… He looks wistful.

“And then, remember that party the summer before seventh grade at Lindsey’s? The, um, spin the bottle slash seven minutes in heaven game she forced us to play?” Leslie can only nod, her memories of that night long seared into her brain.

“Lindsey did it all on purpose. She knew I liked you and thought she could embarrass us both. But, when you and I went into that stupid closet, it was pretty much the best thing that had ever happened to me. Kissing you was… perfect. It was awesome. And still, I was too chicken to say anything, still so sure you just thought of me as only your friend; I didn’t know.” Leslie knows her mouth is hanging wide open; knows she is full on staring at him.

“I had finally worked up the nerve to say something, just tell you or ask you out or something and then, suddenly, we were moving away and I… got scared. It felt pointless. You were so great, so brave and strong and bright and I was, well, me. Frankly, I always wondered why you liked me in the first place and not being your best friend anymore was bad enough; I couldn’t handle it if I was also rejected and not your friend anymore.

“So, we moved, and I don’t think you understand how much I missed you, the effect it had on me. After a while, Henry sat me down and convinced me I had to give Partridge a real try, attempt to make new friends and all that. So, I did. And part of that was trying to put some, like, space or emotional distance, or whatever, between us. But you have to know, I never meant to just… vanish like I did. After a while it was… I’d put off writing you for so long that I felt kind of stupid. Nothing I wrote explained it away. And, then, you stopped writing to me, too. You didn’t send a school picture or Christmas card junior year and I figured you’d… moved on.”

Ben’s on a roll now, so he takes a shaky breath and keeps going. Keeps trying to explain, probably using too many words. Probably not fixing or helping anything, either.

“So, I’m guessing you’re probably wondering why, if I felt all that, why didn’t I just write back last year… or god, call you or something. I should have. I don’t have a good answer. I’m an asshole, really. I was having such a good time and thinking I was so amazing, and I wanted to tell you about it, I did, but I didn’t know where to start. I figured there’d be plenty of time, and I wanted to have lots of cool things to tell you about.

“I figured maybe you’d be so impressed that you would forgive me and then… I don’t know what. Then, well, the Ice Clown lost his job, and I was feeling pretty damn low and how was I going to explain any of it to you? And, like I said, by then I was pretty sure you must hate me so I just.. Let it go. I’m really very good at avoiding, I think. I should major in that.

“Then, Leslie, I ran away from my problems. Well, my problems nearly ran me out of Minnesota, but then I saw you, today, across from me in that stupid meeting and it was like... the little raincloud over my head broke and the sun came back. Wow. That was probably the lamest thing I’ve ever said.

“Anyway, what I mean to say is, I was going to find you. I have my car here, and I was going to drive to Pawnee and find you, or someone, anyone, who knew where you were so I could find you and there you were, like, literally, there- right in front of me.

“And,” He takes a breath, worn out from all the explaining, “whatever else we were or could have been, I just want to know you. At the very least, we can be awesome friends, and I think you at least feel the same way about that- or did, until ten minutes ago, and yeah, I’m an idiot, and I totally blew my chances long ago, but we’re here together and that has to be some sort of sign. Right? So can we just… please be my friend? I need you. Really, I always have.”

As he finishes speaking, he watches her. He watches her absorb everything he said. She looks… he doesn’t really know. Confused and lost and scared and worried, and he hopes he sees some sort of happiness in there, but it might just be wishful thinking. He knows he only has a moment or two before she starts to talk. Before she tells him to get out of her life or, invites him further into it, and he really hopes it’s an invite further into her life because he just doesn’t see how he’ll recover if it’s the other option. He braces himself and waits for Leslie to say something.

Leslie’s head is swimming. Benji had just said a lot of, just _so many_ things. Things she never expected him to say, really, ever, and she wants to ask questions and she wants to think clearly and she’s pretty sure he just… he'd  _wanted_ to kiss her during that stupid party game? He'd liked it? That totally blows her mind because all these years she’d kept that memory locked up tight in her heart. It wasn’t only their first kiss, it was her first kiss, ever. She never told anyone about it, outside of confirming that, yes, they’d kissed. And he certainly hadn’t said anything about it.

The next day, he’d been a little weird and asked if they were cool and of course she said yes, but in all honestly, that kiss was pretty much the moment he completely ceased being Benji Wyatt, best friend who is a guy and became Benji Wyatt, object of love and affection. She wants to look at this from every angle and figure out what to do next and of course she needs to get to know him again and make sure they’re still really compatible and all of that. What she says is:

“Do you… I mean. Are there still feelings? For me?”

Ben gulps. He feels pretty drained from talking about all of this, from feeling so afraid that she is going to get back up and just walk away, that he’d done enough damage on top of letting her down, again and again, these last four years. He can’t read anything into her tone and though she’s looking at him, finally, everything else about her body language screams, ‘wary’.

Oh, who was he kidding. Honestly is great and all, sure, but it can also break you. It would have been so easy to keep all of that in and just say he wanted to be friends; there’s no pressure that way. Maybe one day after he’d sorted himself out he could have tried tricking her into wanting more. But, at this point, he’d come this far and the worst that can happen is having no Leslie at all, and he was already living that life before today, anyway. So, he takes a breath and answers her, truthfully.

“Yeah, uh. Yes.” He stands, buzzing with nerves and fear and maybe a teeny tiny little bit of hope. He awkwardly kicks at the ground with the toe of his shoe and keeps his hands in his pockets to hide their tremor.

“I saw you, today, and it wasn’t just like the sun came back. It was like you were the sun itself. Bright and brilliant and fiery and powerful. I saw you and felt, like, for the first time in what, four years? Four years that I was finally in the right place at the right time. I wanted to kiss you since pretty much that first moment, right there in that dumb meeting, right there in front of everyone.”

He wishes she would say something or at least stop him from rambling. He must sound so crazy. She still hasn’t said anything, and he can’t bring himself to even look at her for a clue or a sign. She’s probably rehearsing the ‘we can still be friends’ speech that she would be delivering any minute now. At any rate, he wants this over. Wants to go to bed and then find somewhere to transfer to as soon as possible.

“Please just say something, Leslie.”

“You have feelings… for me.” Leslie stands up.

“I do. I… yeah. But, um, what, uh, about you?”

She steps in front of Ben, facing him.

“All these years, and before you left and… now? You really wanted. You wanted, um, want… me?” Leslie breathes the last few words, her voice barely above a whisper. Saying the words out loud makes them begin to feel real.

“Just please say it, Les. Just, say it. I blew my chance but we can be friends and all of that. It’s fine, so just say it.” She watches him rake his hands through his hair again, at this point, the hairs are standing straight up like porcupine quills. He definitely looks and sounds pretty sure she’s about to blow him off, and her instinct is to comfort him; he’s obviously in distress. But, her mind is too busy figuring out what her next move is supposed to be.

Leslie knows the smart thing is to go back to her dorm, brush her teeth, and go to bed. Maybe talk and bond with Ann or unpack and organize, at the very least. She should make a binder about this; that’s what she should do. There are at least five different pro and con lists forming in her head already, anyway. Yeah, the smart thing is to take her time and really think about it, but Leslie operates on impulse more often than not. So, that’s what she does.

She takes a step closer to him, raising her right hand. She isn’t even sure what she's doing until she does it- until her hand is on his cheek and she is looking into his eyes and seeing all the things she’d ever hoped to see. She slides her hand into his hair, which is just about as soft as she imagined it would be.

Ben sees Leslie raise her hand. Is he about to get slapped? It’s moving too slow to be a slap, right?

“Um, what’s happening? What are you do-”

Then he watches her eyes darken and instantly he recognizes the _Leslie Knope Look of Determination_. Her hand lands on his cheek, gently, before sliding into his hair, then her left hand grabs his shirt and pulls him in close, and she smashes her lips into his.

Ben’s arms immediately close around her, and he kisses her back. He kisses her with everything that he’s felt about her since they were kids and with everything he’s felt since she showed up again today. He kisses her with his apologies and promises. Ben is so intent on expressing every feeling he has about her that he nearly forgets to just enjoy the fact that he is kissing the hell out of Leslie Knope, and that she is _really_ kissing the hell out of him, finally.

Her lips are soft and insistent, and, as the kiss deepens, all of her fiery passion comes through crystal clear. He just tries to hold on. She takes like sweetness, maybe vanilla, and it makes him feel there are fireworks of glitter exploding inside his chest. Ben never ever, ever wants to stop kissing Leslie. He can only hope she feels the same way.

The memory of that one kiss she’d had with Benji always occupied such a huge spot in Leslie’s memory, in her heart. She’s wanted to kiss him again since that night, and now that she was actually doing it- this kiss makes that one look like the kind of chaste peck on the cheek you’d give your aunt.

She has no idea how long they’ve been standing there, making out with each other’s faces, but eventually the deep kisses slow and give way to small smiley ones, and they just stand there wrapped around each other; forehead to forehead, both breathing heavily. She can see a dopey grin on Ben’s face and can’t help but start giggling quietly at the absurdity of this whole day. This morning she was just excited about college and now she’s pretty sure she was just kissing her soul mate- a guy she hasn’t seen since she was fourteen.

“Um, so, you do still want to be my friend, then?” Ben whispers, kissing her on the lips, then again gently on tip of her nose.

“Nah, see ya!” Leslie fakes pulling away, her giggles turning into real laughter. Leslie’s always been a pretty happy person, but she’s pretty sure this feeling is that ‘pure joy’ she’d always heard about. She holds him a little tighter, and her laughter quiets; she kisses him again, hard, running her tongue across his lower lip so he’ll open his mouth to her. She wants to make sure he knows he is absolutely not just her friend.

Ben sighs into the kiss, a little moan escaping him. He holds her face and moves his lips to her cheek, her chin, behind her ear.

“Let me take you out tomorrow night, “ He speaks softly in her ear, ‘Like, on a real date or something? Can I?”

I’d really like that, Benji. A lot.”

His senses are completely overcome by all things Leslie; her hair, her soft skin, her lips, her blue eyes. It’s still so easy, so tempting, to think that none of this is real, that he’ll wake up in his bed in Partridge any minute now, and Leslie will fade away; which is definitely something he has experienced once or ten times. So, he figures the best thing to do is keep kissing her and touching her until his brain catches up with his heart. And, Ben Wyatt will never ever complain about having to kiss or touch Leslie.

“Are you cold?” He notices that she is shivering slightly and that the air is now a bit crisp in that early September way.

“Just a bit. But, you know, who cares?” She smiles up at him.

“Well, actually, turns out that I care, I mean, a little. I just found you; you can’t freeze to death. Let’s walk back?” She pouts at him, just a little, but agrees and they finally detangle their arms. He grabs her hand and laces their fingers together, and they begin to walk back to their dorm.

“Quick question, though, Ms. Knope. Uh, do you remember how we, uh, get back?” Leslie throws her head back and cackles. Good lord, he missed the sound of her cackle.

“Yes, Mr. Wyatt, I remember how to get back. Thank goodness we’re together, or you’d be sleeping on that bench.” He leans over and kisses the top of her head.

“Thank goodness we’re together,” he repeats, quietly, gripping her hand a little tighter, holding on to her with everything he has.

 


End file.
